Strange Days

Now that I'm unemployed by choice, I have very strange days. I don't have a schedule. I don't have anywhere to be and I like it that way.

I get up, feed the cat, eat breakfast and exercise. I feel my body getting stronger. Afterwards, I'm exhausted and sweaty and I take a shower.

I eat a snack.

I play online games on Kongregate. As a kid, I wanted to play test video games. As an adult, I play too many of them. My talents wasted.

Sometimes minutes past, sometimes hours and I browse and click and I scroll tumblr, write my daily short story and check out beauty videos on youtube. I want to make videos. I want to do a lot of things. Sometimes I make videos and never upload them. I do this a lot.

So many unfinished things, sitting around and collecting dust.

My fiance and I are moving, so we're packing and uncovering all of these lost things from around the apartment. So many things. Candles, magazines, lip balm -- it's all there -- hidden in boxes, behind furniture and under the bed. The more we dig, the more we find. All of it is going into different boxes. More & more & more until our little apartment is empty.

Oh, hello, new place! Only to start my strange days again in a new place.

Moving In

Most of my life I stayed put.

I didn't jump houses as a little girl, even though my dad was in the military.

Sometimes it felt like a constant roadtrip, as we traveled to and from Maryland every weekend to visit my dad. I spent my childhood traveling on long summer vacations, even if most of the year we were in one spot, I felt comfortable in the car. I always sought the comfort of the backseat.

Then as a teen, we stopped. No more traveling. No more summer vacations. We were stationary in the least pleasant place possible. Small town, Texas didn't sit well with me. I wanted to get out. When I finally escaped to Boston for college, I stayed put again, forced out of my dorm room at the end of the year. Packing and unpacking, living out of boxes and never feeling fully settled.

I thought I would finally feel settled when I moved in with my boyfriend (now fiancé), but his Beacon Hill studio was cramped and when we moved to find more space, I felt isolated. Despite living in the same apartment for the past four years, I've never felt comfortable. It never felt like home.

So now we're moving again. We're trying to find our new space. Maybe a place to call home. Maybe just another place to stay put till we decide where we belong. Either way, I know I'll feel comfortable in the backseat on the way over.